The Great and Powerful Nightmare [Luna]

[Trixie Lulamoon]

Trixie couldn’t exactly recall when she had started walking back towards the library, but she found herself standing in front of the door. Her thoughts drifted back to what had happened, when she sent that cup flying and almost hitting Luna with it before running away. She had messed up big time. She still wasn’t exactly sure why it was that Luna was upset at her. But that was why she was coming back, right? To figure out what it was she did wrong and apologize. Maybe then Luna wouldn’t be so upset at her and they could get back to the lessons.

Taking a deep breath to try and gather up some courage, Trixie pushed the door open with her magic. A flash of purple light forced her to wince and look away, but her eyes quickly became the size of saucers when she saw the sight in front of her.

“You are quite the fast learner Twilight Sparkle,” Luna said as she walked over to the purple unicorn, who was standing over a pile of cookies that Trixie had to assume had once been stone.

“W-what’s going on here?” Trixie said, glancing back and forth between the two.

“Oh, are you still here Trixie? I had assumed after you ran off you no longer had an interest in being my student.”

Trixie felt her heart skip a beat, but tried to keep her cool a little as she furrowed her brow.

”O-of course I didn’t want to stop being your student! I was just upset and…and why is she here anyway?!” Trixie said as she pointed a hoof at Twilight.

”After considering it, I decided she would be a more appropriate student to have. She’s quite skilled in magic after all, and I think I get along with her much better than you” Luna said as she put a wing over the now blushing Twilight, who simply looked away in embarrassment.

”Then what about me!” Trixie said, stomping a hoof as her face started to get a little red.

But as if her voice hadn’t even been heard, Luna and Twilight simply nuzzled a second before Luna let her go. Trixie watched as they walked off, probably to practice some more magic. Stepping forth to go after them, Trixie felt the floor give way beneath her. She tried to scramble back, but soon the room around her began to fall apart into a deep blackness. When the last of the floor went away, Trixie found herself in free fall. It was hard to see through the tumbling, but from what she could make out it seemed she was falling towards a trashcan. It was filled with broken boards and teacups.

And in a moment it seemed she was going to be part of it too.

[Deleted]

"Enough..." Trixie plunged straight through the rubbish bin with an audible splash?! There was a shock of cool, but not cold, water. As Trixie continued to fall... or would you call it sinking...? The image of the trash can from the underside could just be seen, rippling and distorting wildly as it faded away into darkness. Strangely, Trixie would find she had no trouble breathing in this new environment, but even more strange was the moment her head broke the surface of the water. What might have been taken for sinking was also, at the same time, rising to the surface. It might have been a little disorienting. The unicorn was now in a vast, seemingly endless lake, that stretched out in every direction to the horizon. The night sky overhead was full of stars. The lake seemed to be full of them too, reflected in the water's still, mirror-like surface. All was peaceful and silent. Then, a great silver crescent moon sailed into the sky above Trixie... but when she looked at where the moon ought to be in the water, the blue mare would see Princess Luna, floating towards her upon a large crescent boat. The moon in the sky was merely a reflection of this. The Moon Princess drifted within reach of her and offered her hoof, wordlessly, to help Trixie into the boat. Long ago, Princess Luna had made the vow not to casually invade dreams without invitation or great need. Dreams reflected the unguarded mind, the true thoughts and feelings. There was honesty in dreams that did not disguise by courteous manners or outright lies. But there was a lack of privacy in them, too. She could interpret a pony's thoughts, intentions, and loyalties by their dreams. This had been, of course, the original purpose of the dream walking spell. To seek out treasonous hearts and minds when at their most vulnerable and unguarded. She was not proud of it now, but there had once been a time when she had used the spell for this purpose, and for no reason. Once, she had invaded dreams merely to see what ponies really thought and felt! What she had learned there, she could never forget. Now, she used this magic sparingly. But she could feel that Trixie was in the grips of a nightmare. She had hesitated, worried that she was the last mare in the world her student wished to see right now... but...in the end, she couldn't bear to ignore it. Trixie was her student, and she was suffering. Luna felt she must intervene, welcome or not. So Princess Luna had broken into the dream, and was dismayed at what she found. It was a variation on the nightmare that had first brought them together. Twilight, given a place of honor. Trixie, carelessly abandoned and casually discarded. It was a dagger to the heart of the Alicorn to realize that her esteem had, for the moment, taken the place of worldwide acclaim in her student's dream, and was now a cause of great pain. And the dagger was only twisted when Luna realized that this was how her student truly saw her. But why would she think otherwise? Luna grieved. Does she not have the truth of it? Did you not wish her to be other than she was? Were not your own words, in your secret heart, that you wished she could be more like Twilight? No! That selfsame heart replied. I do not wish for her to be Twilight Sparkle! I only wished that we could be close, teacher and student, friends, as Celestia and Twilight are close. As they are friends. You may know it... but Trixie Lulamoon does not. "Enough." Luna spoke aloud, gently, but with power and authority. Her conscious will took command of the dream at once. While Trixie was still in free fall, Luna pulled together a new piece of dream, like a patch of fabric, and overlapped it seamlessly upon the old, so that Trixie fell out of her dream, and into the Alicorn's. I must make this right somehow... was the moon Princess's only thought as she offered her hoof to Trixie.

[Trixie Lulamoon]

Trixie had closed her eyes in expectation of the impact, so she found herself rather surprised when instead of a crash she splashed into…something. For a moment she started panicking about breathing, but she found she was able breathe whatever it was she was floating was in. Still, she had to flail around for a bit before found herself upright and out of what was apparently water. Why was she in a lake? Wasn’t she in a castle?

…

Oh, this was a dream, wasn’t it? Glancing around at her surroundings, this suspicion was confirmed by the arrival of Princess Luna floating towards her in a crescent-moon shaped boat. She couldn’t explain why, but Trixie could sense something different about this Luna compared to the Luna that had been nuzzling Twilight a moment ago. So while she assumed this was the real Luna and not a dream, Trixie still found herself hesitant to reach out to her when she offered a hoof. Still, between being in a lake and being in a boat, Trixie did prefer the latter. Slowly she reached out and, with Luna’s help, got inside the boat.

”Thank you….” Trixie said quietly, not exactly looking at the alicorn as she did so.

If Luna was here, Trixie could take a guess she probably saw the earlier part of the dream as well. The awkwardness of the situation was a heavy weight on Trixie, who simply didn’t know what it was she was supposed to say. Despite the panic that had consumed their last meeting, Trixie wasn’t exactly mad at Luna. Yet it wasn’t hard to guess Luna may have thought she was based on what her dream showed. Trixie rubbed her foreleg nervously, her brain frazzled as she tried to figure out something to say that could make this all better.

”I-I’m sorry…” was all that she could figure out. She wasn’t sure what she was sorry for or why she needed to apologize, but it was the only thing she could think of that felt sort of right.

[Deleted]

The Moon Mare was grateful that her student had not refused her help. For a dreadful moment, she had feared that she might. That too much damage had been done and that all was over. But that had not been giving Trixie enough credit. The mare hesitated, but ultimately accepted her hoof and help. "Thou art not injured?" Luna asked, gently waving off Trixie's thanks. Of course, Luna knew perfectly well that Trixie was not injured, this being a dream, first off, and herself being in control of it, as well. But it was something to say. ”I-I’m sorry…” It was also something to say, and it came from Trixie, this time. Luna shook her head gently, sending the stars in her mane shimmering. "Thou art not to blame." the alicorn replied gently. With a soft sloshing sound, two great bat wings unfurled from the sides of the crescent craft, though one would have sworn they hadn't been there before, and with a couple heavy wingstrokes, the slender silver ship lifted off the water's surface and soared into the sky. Luna looked at Trixie searchingly. She struggled to find the right words. She could never tell Trixie about her disappointed hopes and her loneliness. These would only add to the burden of worry and guilt her student was trying to bear. So she could not tell Trixie that she had resolved to let Trixie be herself, cool, aloof, arrogant... however she wanted to be, whatever it meant for the future. "I am the one whom must apologize." the Princess said at last, dropping the royal 'we' "I felt that you were becoming a little arrogant, and... thou must remember that though a princess, I am not a perfect being... So I intentionally tried to overwhelm you... to set you up to fail... and I took it too far. I am truly sorry, Trixie."

[Trixie Lulamoon]

Trixie stumbled a little in surprise as the boat suddenly took to the air. Even in knowing something was a dream hadn't exactly prepared her for such a random event. It also really didn't prepare her for the conversation ahead but, well, who was ever really ready for this kind of awkwardness?

"You thought I was being arrogant..." Trixie said, a look of disappointment coming to her face.

It wasn't disappointment at the princess, however, but more at herself. After all this time she had thought she had been making progress on that whole friendship thing. All she had been doing was trying to seem impressive and bold for the princess so she would think she was a worthy enough student. Instead, she had apparently just slipped into her old habits again. Why did this just keep happening?

"I really didn't mean to come off like that. I was just...I mean...the thing is I....," Trixie took deep breath to try and calm herself,"I just wanted you to like me..."

There, she said. No more trying to jump around the issue. It's not like she would be able to lie her way out of it anyway: for all she knew, if she lied in this dream some part of her unconscious would probably come flying in and ruin it all. Besides, it wasn't like her method had been working anyway so, well, what was there to loose?

"I mean, I just wanted to make you think I was all talented and stuff like..."

Trixie's eyes widened a moment as she realized just whose name she was going to say. The one who kept appearing in the dreams, always the one replacing her. Obviously whatever was going on with her was centered on her, and Trixie felt her stomach tie up into a knot as she realized just what it might be.

"Like Twilight......do you...do you think that maybe I'm jealous of Twilight?" Trixie asked, more rhetorical than really wanting an answer. Even though the boat was kind of small, Trixie started to pace a little.

"It's just she's so talented and great and everypony seems to just love her for it and I guess...I guess I just want that too."

[Deleted]

Trixie may have said that she wished for Luna to like her, but the Moon Princess wasn't celebrating just yet. Luna felt she had two very difficult choices in front of her now. One was to tell Trixie the 'easy' answer, to say it didn't matter about Twilight, to just be herself, and it was perfectly valid advice. After all 'be true to yourself' was the motto of the day, wasn't it? And it fit in with Luna's own new-found resolution not to ask more of the unicorn than the unicorn was willing to give. And then, there was the 'hard' honest, true answer. However, before she could touch on either of these, a misconception needed to be cleared up first. "Twilight Sparkle is not loved for her power and talent, though these may makest her both admired and envied," Luna replied, staring off into the starry horizon. "She is loved for herself. She couldst be completely powerless, without any talent for magic, and still she wouldst be loved. Thou already knowest this, Trixie. In thy other nightmare, she had naught to do but eat an oatburger, and still thou couldst not pull her friends away from her." Luna said this as gently and soothingly as though she were singing a lullaby to a sick foal. She rather suspected this truth was going to hurt. "Trixie, my student, do not confuse love with admiration. Love, real love, ist like food for thy soul, the other merely dessert. I do not mean love like... well, romantic passion, although that canst be confusing, too. I mean... " Luna paused as if seeking out the right words among the stars that were now close enough to touch. "I meanest like a kinship.." But no, that was not helpful. Trixie didn't seem to think much of most of her family, nor they much of her, if she recalled correctly. She tried a different track."A warmth and affection for another, not necessarily romantic, so strong that one ceases to try and win their admiration. One does not need it. Thou becomest warmed by your own feeling for them, regardless of how they feel for you. One cannot be loved, until one gives love, freely, and without demanding return." Glancing anxiously at Trixie, the alicorn braced herself to deliver the painful part. "Trixie, I believe that thou only carest to have the attention and admiration of others. Thou doest not seek anything but this, and so, you starve. Even when thou hast admiration from others, thou art not quite satisfied. 'tis as though thou tried to live on naught but desserts." Luna smiled, but it was a painful, almost vulnerable kind of smile. "I care greatly for thee, nay, I love thee dearly. Thou art still my student, my first and perhaps my only student. I do not care how powerful thou art now, nor how much natural talent thou possesseth tonight. I wish only to see thou become all that thou wish to be, and to find happiness." Luna sighed and smiled, as though looking into future much brighter than the moment. "...But I do not, and cannot admire thee, Trixie. How canst I, when thou art so unhappy?"

[Trixie Lulamoon]

Trixie had been rather proud of herself for finally hitting upon this little ‘revelation’, and her hope had been that Luna would have had some advice to offer her. Instead, Trixie found herself glued to her spot in the boat as Luna began to lecture her in a manner that was made Trixie increasingly uncomfortable with herself.

To begin with, Luna apparently decided that she had misunderstood Twilight’s appeal, that even if she didn’t have any magic everypony would love Twilight Sparkle. But that seemed rather hard for Trixie to accept. She remembered the Ursa Minor incident. She remembered how all the ponies cheered and praised Twilight Sparkle for having been able to defeat the beast while she, the Great and Powerful Trixie, didn’t even get a hint of respect for at least trying to stop it. Then again, she sort of ran off before anything could happen…but still, even before then she knew that Twilight had appeal. Even on the stage of her show she could hear the mumblings of Twilight’s little dragon friend trying to egg her onto the stage. That was why she had picked her out of the crowd in the first place, before Twilight ran of course. And…and what about Dinky? She was absolutely amazed that she was able to get Twilight as a magical teacher alongside Trixie! All in all, at least in most of her interactions with the purple mare, it was clear that Twilight’s skill in magic seemed to be what drew ponies towards her.

And yet, for all that evidence, Trixie could feel her heart sink a little into her chest as she realized that she was just making excuses. Twilight was a nice pony, and as hard as it was to believe, Trixie could possibly understand ponies trying to be friends with her even if she wasn’t a master of magic. But it sure as heck helped her: ponies were a lot more willing to be friends if you’re the student of the princess and an Element of Harmony. What right did Luna have to go about and try and say otherwise ,especially since she was a princess herself!? Everypony loved the princesses after all! She even had a whole holiday to herself!

….

A holiday that was all about how she was a monster and needed to be given treats to avoid her wrath. Trixie was indeed primed to say something back to Luna, her hoof up and ready to point accusingly, when her memory caught up to that little fact. It had been ages since she had thought about it, but she did remember the story of the Mare in the Moon and the events that had transpired with Nightmare Moon. The story of a mare who did all sorts of work trying to make an impressive night, only to be ignored and unloved, and in in a fit of rage tried to plunge the world into darkness only to be locked away. And as Twilight herself ended up showing, it wasn’t just a fairy tale, but the story of the princess that now stood before her. Trixie placed her hoof back onto the boat floor, turning away again in embarrassment about what she was about to accuse the princess of.

”…you know, I always kind of liked the mare from the Mare in the Moon story,” Trixie said, not exactly sure if it was the most appropriate response. But now that her mind was on it, well, she figured she might as well get it out.

”I… I always kind of sympathized with her, how she put all that effort into trying to make something for everypony to enjoy but then feeling like no one really cared.”

Trixie hesitantly looked up at Luna. It wasn’t a full on look, more of just glancing up with her eyes while she still generally looked away, but hopefully Luna could see she was trying to make eye contact.

”I actually thought it a little unfair how she got treated, the whole eternal night thing aside. All she wanted was just to get some love and attention after all. But I kind of forgot that her story was actually your story though…..so I guess from your perspective I’ve just been acting like a big old dummy haven’t I?” Trixie said, giving a tentative smile as she finally looked up at Luna.

”I mean, I’ll be honest: some of what you said still doesn’t really make any sense to me, especially the without demanding return thing cause like why should I care about someone else if they don’t care about me? But if you think it’s important, I guess I can try and make more of an effort at it….”

[Deleted]

Luna studied the world below while silence reigned for a long moment. She could feel accusatory, hostile tension from Trixie, and she was sure that her well-meant advice was going to go horribly wrong and end everything. Why had she tried to be honest, when the simple answer would have suited her so much better? The Princess focused her eyes on the reflection of the moon, which appeared full, in the water. To look at the moon was always good. She could bear anything, if she could only see it. For just a moment, the surface of the moon seemed to hold a shadow. A shadow that was like a despairing reflection. Trixie spoke. ”…you know, I always kind of liked the mare from the Mare in the Moon story,” Trixie said unexpectedly, with surprising gentleness. ”I… I always kind of sympathized with her, how she put all that effort into trying to make something for everypony to enjoy but then feeling like no one really cared.” Luna managed to pull her gaze back into the boat and met Trixie's gaze. Her deep-sea eyes were wide and full of surprise. But this time, it was the princess who couldn't hold the look, and she turned her head away sharply before turning her face up to the stars. She looked again, frantically, for the moon, forgetting that she would not find it up there. She wasn't sure she could bear to have her student condemn her, blame her, which must surely be coming next. ”I actually thought it a little unfair how she got treated, the whole eternal night thing aside. All she wanted was just to get some love and attention after all. But I kind of forgot that her story was actually your story though…..so I guess from your perspective I’ve just been acting like a big old dummy haven’t I?” Luna made a small sound, a sort of choking sob. She never allowed herself to cry about this in the waking world. It was too painful for both herself and Celestia. She never spoke about her time in the moon. Nothing good could come from the conversation, and nopony would understand, anyway. But that didn't mean she didn't think about it. Try as she might, she could not reconcile herself to the idea that the punishment had been fitting. She could understand that Celestia had been given no other choice. She could accept that there had been no other way to save the land. But that didn't change the fact that she'd always felt the punishment to be too severe. And for once, there was one other pony who thought so too. ”I mean, I’ll be honest: some of what you said still doesn’t really make any sense to me, especially the without demanding return thing cause like why should I care about someone else if they don’t care about me? But if you think it’s important, I guess I can try and make more of an effort at it….” Tears streaming, Luna turned quickly and, impulsively, pulled her student into a tight hug. She feared that it might make the unicorn uncomfortable, but... she couldn't help it. "Thou wilt understand in time," Luna assured her. "Thou art like I was once... and mayhap thou wilt face a similar choice, too. But I pray that should that day ever come, thy choice will be the better choice, the one with the happy ending. I pray that thou never knowest... one thousand lonely years."

[Trixie Lulamoon]

Trixie didn’t have any kind of clue how Luna was going to react when she started talking. She sort of expected her to remain her normal self: kind, but just a hint of aloofness. Maybe give another small lecture in response. Or maybe touching on such a sensitive subject would simply cause her to get mad at Trixie even more. What Trixie didn’t expect, however, was to watch the majestic princess of the night start to choke up. For a brief moment Trixie paused, but having that last little bit to say she kept going. When she finally finished, she braced herself for whatever sort of impact Luna was going to hit her with.

She was not prepared to find herself buried into Luna’s forelegs in a painfully tight hug, and in a perfect spot to notice the dampness around the princess’s eyes. In some weird way, Trixie felt a warmness in her chest at the thought of having made a princess act like this. Not that she felt pride in making anypony cry of course – well, not normally at least. No, this was just something else, but she couldn’t quite place a feeling on it. Sympathy maybe? That seemed to be it. Whatever the heck had just happened here, Trixie could tell that they had come to some sort of understanding.

About the only thing Trixie felt bad about now was that she had, in fact, sort of had the choice that Luna was talking about. It was soon after she had left Ponyville that first time, when she had been travelling with Time Turner. They were in Canterlot, and there was a curio shop she had ducked into. Inside had been this amulet, something called the “Alicorn Amulet” that had promised power beyond her wildest dreams. She didn’t have the bits of course, but she could have saved up for it, maybe went and bought it and got her revenge. And she had been so tempted to do so, to just leave Time Turner by himself and just run off to find the funds. But, well, she ended up not doing that. Instead, she had gotten another small wagon, packed up her few possession, and had hit the road again. From there she went to Appleloosa, got a new wagon and made a few acquaintances, and had forgotten all about that Amulet till now.

….

And it was probably best that she not tell Luna about it. Right now, being hugged by the princess of the night and finding herself nuzzling into her just a little bit, Trixie felt like she didn’t need it one bit to be Great and Powerful.